last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
