i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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