I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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