There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
