Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
