I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
