Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
