just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
