Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
