id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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