remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
