eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
