I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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