How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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