Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
