woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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