i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We smell like vodka and hangover
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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