Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
