When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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