im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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