Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He felt like a one man threesome
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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