I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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