watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
