I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
