Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
