Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
