shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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