I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
