2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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