Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
