someone threw a dead crab at me
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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