I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
