The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
