If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
