Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
