somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
