Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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