ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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