I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
3pm strippers are depressing
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
