I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
