the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
