All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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