Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
