Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
