Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
