I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
