mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
