JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
