Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
