I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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